unfashionable heartache

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:46:23 GMT

my future husband
i will be mrs. amber skye marie swardson
and it will be lovely
shhhhh...
i wont tell if you wont! :P

p.s.
more of an update is coming soon when i have more than 5 min at the library comp so no worries! those.. of you who actually do.. which means no one but it makes me feel special to think you do! :P

later gators

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:54:45 GMT

Still in Santa Barbara..
I decided to stay one more night to soak up the free living while I can. Today was pretty good. I pretty much hung out around santa barbara and walked around their downtown area. I got to spend time with gavin which was fun. Little kids amuse me and he is quite a "fireball". Tomorrow I head up the coast pretty early. I havent decided if I am going straight in to San Francisco yet or if I am stopping somewhere else over night and the heading out sunday morning. We will see. I probably wont update again for quite some time since I wont be around a computer but that means the next one will just be more informative YAY. Im off to sleep soon.
<3 amber

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 08:22:15 GMT

so another day another place..
i left encinitas this afternoon and 6 hours later landed in santa barbara. i didnt end up getting to bed until late the night before because dizsa, nate and myself hung out and watched cheesy but fun karaoke in carlsbad until about 1 am then stayed up till about 3 doing computer stuff. it usually only takes about 3 hours to get from there to here but traffic on the 405 was crazy towards west hollywood. its all good though because while i was stuck going one way, so were the cars on the other side. that being all good because i looked over and saw this super rad mini cooper creeping towards me and as it passed i noticed that the driver adam levine. living in california is good for stuff like that :P. it made my day. i am 99.9% sure it was him. he seemed about as happy as i was to be stuck in traffic. this time oliver was ok in the car. he pretty much laid back and slept the whole way, giving me a "whats up" meow every now and then. the drive here was amazing. beyond beautiful and beyond words. anywho.. i arrived in santa barbara around 7 and got a little lost, had a little drama but its no big deal and ended up here safe and sound. i ended up hanging with trish, bobby and gavin at this little fiesta fair thing for about an hour then we came back to their house and watched tv and did some little number puzzle game. that brings me to now. 1:16 in the morning updating my journal because i know i wont be able to for another few days. i dont know if im heading out tomorrow or saturday morning. i havent really decided. i have a place to stay in san francisco which is good (seeing its soooo expensive to stay there) and i also want to camp out that way too then i will head to oregon. i dont really know what i want to do up there yet but im sure i will end up camping a little there too. okie dokie. i am off to sleep. i hope to update again soon.
<3

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 17:29:48 GMT

So this is day 2 of my move. Yesterday was crazy. It was emotionally draining more than anything. I built up a family in the apartments that I lived in so it was hard to move and leave them. I had to say "good-bye" to everyone. It took me 3 hours to pack my car with all my stuff so by the time I got on the road it was way hot. Cats heat = not good. About an hour in Oliver started hyperventilating and started projectile vomiting all over me (since his cage was facing me). I was stuck in traffic and it was about another half hour before I could get him in the car. Finally I got to a Carls Jr. and I ran him into the bathroom and let him cool off. After that he was ok but it was still crazy/EW. Poor oliver fuzzy kitty face. I had to stop at Fallbrook first to talk to Colette ( Dizsa mom/Garys ex wife ) about a possible job opportunity in the Seattle area. I would be working at an animal sanctuary and would get internship experience with healing wounded birds and also would get to live on property for free PLUS salary. I dont know, we will see. I havent made any final decisions. After that I headed out to Dizsas and that is where I am now until thursday at the latest. So far today has been unproductive for the most part. We are just now getting ready to go out and about. I will try to update as much as possible on my journey. Next stop is santa barbara then from there its all undecided. Okay I am off.
<3

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 07:43:50 GMT

so here is the real update. a lot has happend over the year. a lot of little details that i can leave out. i guess to sum it up all i can really say is that i have "grown up" quite a bit. i learned to live on my own and take care of myself. with this knowledge i also learned that i can pretty much do that anywhere. i never really found my "place" in california so i have decided to move on. i decided to move to seattle, washington and see if i can find my place there. i plan on going to school and doing the things i didnt get to achieve here. i am moving at the end of the week. the reason i posted to many old entries was because i was storing them on the computer i have been using and i have to give it back to the owner. most of my journal entries go in my paper journal but sometimes its easier to just type. until i get a computer in seattle i will be using the library or wherever else i can get to a computer. i hope to update a lot more often. i changed my email address so if you want to keep in touch just let me know and i will give it to you. its been so long since i updated i am not even sure who reads this anymore. i will defenetly update this with pictures from my trip up there asap. i am taking a major scenic route and will have lots to share. take care.
love luck and lolipops
amber

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 07:31:36 GMT

* this is another entry i wrote quite a while ago but never really got around to posting.

have you ever stopped to think how random memories are? how you can go years without thinking about a certain instance in your life and then one thing happens are you start to randomly remember events you had completly forgotten about. i was sitting in the bath tub listening to the radio and "i can see clearly" came on and all of a sudden i rememberd being in the 4th grade at a girl scouts meeting. i was sitting in my troup leaders garage making halloween can holders out of foam, listening to the same song. i even remember that i was making a green cartoon version of frankenstine. i think its that i put so much on music, that it triggers memories randomly. even now, richard marx is on and it made me remember about being around 7 years old, laying on my bed listening to this song over and over. it was one of the first cds my dad bought me (aside from all the beatles albums i had and my inxs albums i also wore out... at that time they werent known to me as inxs but as "the skateboard band... for reasons only the 7 year old me would know). then that links to bryan adams and that song from robin hood. around the same age me and my friends in the apartments i lived in were obsessed with that movie and we started a club where each one of us were different characters from the movie. i ended up being lady sarah (which to this day i still do not understand why :P). we would act out scenes from the movie and then make up our own. just random memories that will probably leave me the second i go to sleep but will again be re-awakend by another event.. or song in the future.

And then there are those events in life that you dont think you will ever forget, and they end up fading with the day. ironically i had to jump out of the bath and run directly over to my computer when these thoughts came to me, in fear that as quickly as they came, they would also leave me. i also went back and added more after wrapping up what i thought was all that i could think of, and then more started coming to me. the mind is a crazy place. well atleast mine is. i remember the most off things. i cant seem to remember birthdays or phone numbers for the life of me, but ask me to sing you a disney song and i can pretty much sing it word for word, at any given time. i guess if the mind was constantly filled every memory of every second of the day we would probably overload. so i guess its a good thing that things get tucked away, even if they are good memories. it makes them more special when you remember them later.

chart

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 07:25:43 GMT

Name: amber skye
October 15 1982
7:06 AM Time Zone is CDT
plano, TX

Rising Sign is in 15 Degrees Libra
Very attractive and popular, your charm helps you to get your own way and prevents others from getting angry with you. "Peace and harmony at all costs" is your battle cry. You always try to ameliorate or to cosmetically hide any physical ugliness or any angry feelings between people. Flashy, but not gaudy, you prefer to dress elegantly. You generally have good taste in music, art and literature. Beware of the tendency to compromise yourself in your attempt to be agreeable at all times. A bit of a social butterfly, at times you can be vain and lazy. For the most part, however, you are gracious and affectionate, and your refined and aristocratic demeanor serves as a role model to others.

Sun is in 21 Degrees Libra.
Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon is in 03 Degrees Libra.
Affectionate, warm and friendly, life must be a "beautiful" experience for you. Unpleasantness should be avoided at all costs. You tend to overlook other people's faults and you would rather give in than fight. You are uncomfortable with strangers, but at ease and sociable with friends and associates. Indeed, you would rather socialize than work -- you can use your prodigious charm to avoid unpleasant tasks. You need the support and assistance of another in order to get you started on any new project -- you are not a self-starter. Be careful of a tendency to be overly self-indulgent (i.e., lazy). Your refined aesthetic sensibilities attract you to music, dance, art and any other cultured activity.

Mercury is in 04 Degrees Libra.
You are known for not jumping to conclusions about things. You tend to weigh all possible choices very carefully before making a decision. When in the slightest amount of doubt, you will compromise rather than ruffle any feathers. You are a true raconteur of culture and taste -- your ideas and opinions are neat, elegant and refined. A born diplomat, you dislike discord so much that you will go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and at ease. You speak softly and pleasantly.

Venus is in 16 Degrees Libra.
A very friendly and outgoing person, you hate to be alone. Beware of a continuing tendency to compromise yourself in order to avoid being lonely. Try to be yourself, not what others would like you to be. You have an innate desire to be in refined and elegant surroundings and will go out of your way to create a plush and comfortable atmosphere around you. You have heightened aesthetic sensibilities and are attracted to music and the arts. Try to avoid using your well-known seductive charm in order to get out of doing what you consider to be dirty work!

Mars is in 17 Degrees Sagittarius.
Your every action is motivated by high moral standards and ideals. You will work very hard to improve the lot of the world at large, but you demand action about it -- you do not like to just sit around and talk about doing it in an abstract manner. You like to be where the real action is. You resist mightily any attempts to limit your freedom and you will assist anyone who feels put down and restricted. You are extremely restless by nature -- physical exercise is very important to you if you would maintain your health.

Jupiter is in 14 Degrees Scorpio.
You love to dig deep beneath surface appearances in order to find out what is really happening. A persistent researcher, you are very interested in the psychology of any situation. You tend to become overwhelmed by the complexity of what you uncover, however, and that makes you a bit gun-shy about explaining things to others. But you must learn to try to communicate as best you can because what you know is really very valuable to others.

Saturn is in 24 Degrees Libra.
Although you take quite a while to make decisions, you usually consider all sides to a question, all the pros and cons, and the solution you come up with is very often the correct one. You tend to be very reserved and shy, but, once you make a commitment to someone (in either a business or personal relationship), the partnership is forever. You have a strong sense of justice and fair play and greatly respect the laws and institutions by which you are governed. As such, you are outraged when others break laws or show contempt for authority.

Uranus is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 24 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 26 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node is in 07 Degrees Cancer.
You genuinely enjoy meeting other people, but you're at your best if you can do so from the comfort of your own home. You prefer others to come to you and tend to feel uncomfortable about leaving your home or neighborhood for any extended period of time. Those who do come in contact with you are struck by your caring and obliging nature -- you really make them feel at home. You form the closest ties, however, with members of your immediate family, especially your parents and children. You're at your best attending or organizing family reunions!

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 07:21:52 GMT

where would i be
if i would have stayed?
its odd how different paths can take you to completly different places.
its odd how much your actions, whether intentional or not can effect the people and things around you.
such a tangled web of "what ifs".
there are aspects of my life right now that i like very much.
i like my independence above all.
there are also aspects that i miss very much.
people, more than aspects.
in the end i know that i choose this path and the things that are on it.
in the end it all leads to who you are, and who you become.

* this journal entry is actually pretty old, but timeless. it rings true at this point in my life as well. a new chapter of my life is about to begin. another day another story another update very soon to come.

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 21:20:39 GMT

i have a lot to update
but i dont feel like doing it right now
so for now, there is this

you're EDWARD SCISSORHANDS!! some people think that
you're just about some guy who has scissors for
hands.. but you're so much more than that.
you're a classic. tim burton directed you too,
you lucky duck.

Which one of my favorite movies are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

a lack of words..

Thu, 05 May 2005 06:26:51 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Wealth	\|\|	10%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 18:14:41 GMT

50 Questions
Erase my answers & put in your own. THEN REPOST As a Bulletin.

1. What is your name? amber

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? black

3. What are you listening to right now? my landlords tv

4. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number? 35

5. What was the last thing you ate? strawberries

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? dark purple

7. How is the weather right now? about 75

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my step dad

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes, smile, hair.. so on

10. Favorite Food? tacos

11. Favorite Drink? coffee

12. Favorite Alcoholic Drink? i dont have one

13. Favorite place to shop? target (yay dani!), dollar stores, discount clothing stores

14. Hair color: light brown

15. Eye Color: brown

16. Do you wear contacts? nope

17. Top or Bottom? bottom

18. Favorite Month? october

19. Favorite Fast Food? taco bell, jack in the box

20. Last Movie you Watched? the ring 2

21. Favorite Day of the Year? it depends, it changes

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? very much so

23. Summer or Winter? winter

24. Hugs or Kisses? both

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

26. Do you want your friends to respond back? yes

27. Who is most likely to respond? michelle (::shakes fist at michelle::)

28. Who is least likely to respond? michelle :(

29. What books are you reading? ishmael by daniel quinn

30. Favorite TV Show? medium, lost, will and grace, gilmore girls

31. What's on your mouse pad? my landlords mouse pad is just blue

32. Favorite board game? candy land

33. What did you do last night? slept

34. Favorite Author? does poe count?

35. Who inspires you? people who become what they set out to be

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? butter

37. Dogs or cats? both!

38. Favorite Flower? tulips

39. What do you say when you wake up in the A.M.? "good morning mr. kitty!" to my cat... and he meows and frollics all over me

40. Do you still talk to your best friends from middle school? yep yep! well the one that counts

41. What's on your desk? my landlords desk is majorly clutterd

42. Rock Concert or symphony? a combo would be rad

43. Play or Opera? musical! (indeed!!)

44. Have you ever fired a gun? no

45. Do you like to travel by plane? not really. i dont like tight spaces or heights very much so theres that.

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? right

47. Smooth or Chunky Peanut Butter? smooth

48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 but there are 4 on my bed

49. City and State you were born in? plano, tx

50. Ever hitchhiked? nope

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 04:52:01 GMT

so levi will be here on thursday
i still have to do my dishes...
UGH! i hate dishes
ah well.. all is good.
so, as if i dont do these enough here is another one of those little survey things...
woot for boredom! :P
and procrastinating when i should be cleaning :D

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. amber
2. skye
3. but, but (dont ask)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. oober heights
2. tight spaces
3. spiders

THREE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY:
1. music
2. my friends/family
3. my cat

THREE THINGS YOU HATE:
1.
2.
3.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. my rings
2. my headphones
3. eye liner

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. pj pants
2. black t-shirt
3. red girl/boy briefs from ae

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. personality

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. photography
2. making collages
3. finding new bands

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
1. starbucks
2. a maid (to clean my dishes)
3. zach braff

THREE CAREERS YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. photographer
2. zoologist
3. music scout

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
1. england
2. ireland
3. new zealand

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. live in europe
2. road trip across the us
3. fall in love

speaking of dreams

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 19:33:30 GMT

last night i had a weird dream that me and my best friend and my ex boyfriend had these free passes to go to a press conference for random bands at this hotel. the conference room was this huge octognal room with these random hallways branching off that had the rooms where the bands were staying. in the main room there were tons of carnival rides and random stages surrounded by tables. for some reason we were the only ones let in at first so we were just walking around. i got mad at my ex boyfriend for some reason and ran off down one of the hallways and sat down infront of one of the rooms. i had my head in my hands and was just trying to collect my thoughts when i felt someone nudge my leg with their foot. i looked up and it was ben folds. i kinda blinked and he helped me up and walked back into his room and plopped down on his couch, leaving the door open. i heard that he was talking to i peaked around the door and raised my eyebrow and asked "am i supposed to be listening to this?" and he kinda smirked and went on about how much he hates these kind of things. then he sighed and got off the couch and walked out of the room grabbing my hand on the way out and pulling me behind him. he said something like "its about time we go face the crowd" and we headed out to the conference. the rest of the conference is just a blur of faces. my ex boyfriend was working at a booth of sorts and michelle was following brandon flowers around with a notepad. then i kinda lost track of ben folds for a bit and i walked into a room with people i talk to on voodoo chat. everyone kept asking if i had seen random people that they were looking for. i was only in there for a little while and then i turned around and all of a sudden wasnt in the rpg room thing anymore and was back in the hallway with ben folds. he kissed me and told me that things would be ok and i woke up.

it was a weird dream. it was actually really long but i left out things i dont remember clearly.

so theres that.

you want fries with that ?

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 18:56:02 GMT

Random Fast-Food Mascot

What's Your Personality Type?
brought to you by Quizilla

LOL!
its funny cause its truuueee :P

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 07:22:47 GMT

have you ever stopped to think how random memories are? how you can go years without thinking about a certain instance in your life and then one thing happens are you start to randomly remember events you had completly forgotten about. i was sitting in the bath tub listening to the radio and "i can see clearly" came on and all of a sudden i rememberd being in the 4th grade at a girl scouts meeting. i was sitting in my troup leaders garage making halloween can holders out of foam, listening to the same song. i even remember that i was making a green cartoon version of frankenstine. i think its that i put so much on music, that it triggers memories randomly. even now, richard marx is on and it made me remember about being around 7 years old, laying on my bed listening to this song over and over. it was one of the first cds my dad bought me (aside from all the beatles albums i had and my inxs albums i also wore out... at that time they werent known to me as inxs but as "the skateboard band... for reasons only the 7 year old me would know). then that links to bryan adams and that song from robin hood. around the same age me and my friends in the apartments i lived in were obsessed with that movie and we started a club where each one of us were different characters from the movie. i ended up being lady sarah (which to this day i still do not understand why :P). we would act out scenes from the movie and then make up our own. just random memories that will probably leave me the second i go to sleep but will again be re-awakend by another event.. or song in the future.

And then there are those events in life that you dont think you will ever forget, and they end up fading with the day. ironically i had to jump out of the bath and run directly over to my computer when these thoughts came to me, in fear that as quickly as they came, they would also leave me. i also went back and added more after wrapping up what i thought was all that i could think of, and then more started coming to me. the mind is a crazy place. well atleast mine is. i remember the most off things. i cant seem to remember birthdays or phone numbers for the life of me, but ask me to sing you a disney song and i can pretty much sing it word for word, at any given time. i guess if the mind was constantly filled every memory of every second of the day we would probably overload. so i guess its a good thing that things get tucked away, even if they are good memories. it makes them more special when you remember them later.

<3

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 18:51:03 GMT

you know
when you've found it
because
you feel it
when they
take
it
away

-damien rice

boredom = survey

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 06:03:42 GMT

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	amber
Birthday:	10.15.82
Birthplace:	plano, tx
Current Location:	desert hot springs, ca
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	light brown
Height:	5.0
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	who told?
The Shoes You Wore Today:	my boots
Your Weakness:	my passion
Your Fears:	that one day there will be nothing to fear
Your Perfect Pizza:	cheese, black olives, mushrooms and garlic..
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	i want to start school of sorts
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	cool beans
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"why cant i hear anything?!.. oh yah.. earplugs"
Your Best Physical Feature:	my eyes, i guess
Your Bedtime:	when i fall asleep
Your Most Missed Memory:	if i can remember it then it isnt missed
Pepsi or Coke:	pepsi in a can but coke from the fountain
MacDonalds or Burger King:	neither
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton i guess
Chocolate or Vanilla:	vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	fuck
Do you Sing:	do i or can i?
Do you Shower Daily:	more than once usually
Have you Been in Love:	i have
Do you want to go to College:	soon
Do you want to get Married:	someday
Do you belive in yourself:	only when i can see me
Do you get Motion Sickness:	sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive:	i dont think im unattractive
Are you a Health Freak:	are cheeseburgers healthy?
Do you get along with your Parents:	most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:	one of my favorite things
Do you play an Instrument:	i try
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	and no again
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	sadly
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	not as such
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes.. ish
In the past month have you been on Stage:	does it count even if i was just standing around?
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	your mom
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	no
Ever been Beaten up:	yes
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	without knowing
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	i dont want to
What country would you most like to Visit:	one away from this one
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	the pretty kind
Favourite Hair Color:	it doesnt matter
Short or Long Hair:	shortish
Height:	meh
Weight:	it doesnt matter
Best Clothing Style:	your own
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	a lot
Number of Piercings:	6
Number of Tattoos:	zero for now
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	i dont regret things i cant change
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

::sigh::

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 05:22:13 GMT

so i did a tarot reading on a current situation.

Card 1:
The Chariot
Position: Love & Me
Main (positional) Meaning:
Having the right vehicle to carry you, you are speeding toward victory with your love interest.

The card in the Love & Me position touches on an aspect of how you perceive yourself right now.

The Chariot is a symbol of victory through mental control. The feeling of this card reminds us of an athlete poised for the starting gun. When the signal comes, he or she hits the ground running. The Chariot is not about the security of castle and moat. No, the Chariot represents an adventurous nature, a desire to seize the reins in romantic and personal affairs, and a love of the open road.

The sphinx-like steeds are anxious to lunge forward and be on their way. This card reminds you to use the powers of your mind to steer that wild excitement and focus the energy, because the urge to action is unstoppable. When you take up the reins of the charioteer, you assume the rapid rise of the culturally, psychologically and technologically advanced and mobile individual, a world class citizen.

Card 2:
Wheel of Fortune
Position: Love Situation
Main (positional) Meaning:
Your situation is changing, and your future together as a couple seems uncertain. Take heart and wait it out.

The card that lands in the Love Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

The Wheel of Fortune in this position indicates that your circumstances may be constantly fluctuating. The immediate future seems uncertain. Who can fault the two of you for feeling a bit overwhelmed? Of course, there is no sense in either one of you taking any of this personally. You may be in the presence of a force that is beyond your power to manipulate. It's a force no mortal can control. Naturally, you both want a more stable situation and firmer ground for this relationship to stand on.

This card is modeled on a rolling wheel, so what looks up will be down soon, and vice versa. Perceived correctly, this force is akin to the great washing machine of life. If you can put up with the churning, the rinse cycle and the final spin, then the end result will leave you restored, like new.

It's a challenge to keep your composure in mid-cycle, however, because the part of you that prefers control can feel helpless. Wait and watch, and as you do, try to absorb and understand the process. Just remain patient and go with the flow. Nothing is final yet, so why be pessimistic?

Card 3:
Seven of Swords
Position: Love Challenges
Main (positional) Meaning:
When you willingly step forward to be a leader in a relationship situation, you win recognition and gratitude.

The card that lands in the Love Challenges position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

The Seven of Swords in this position suggests that you volunteer to fill an emerging void in leadership. You may be the person who can serve as an inspiring figurehead and rallying point for existing unfocused mental and emotional energy. It may possible that there is a sleeping hero inside you who is being summoned forth by the needs of a current relationship circumstance.

If this is the case, don't resist this admirable role. Accept the invitation. It's not often that you get a ready-made opportunity to express the lost art of gallantry towards the one you care about. It's to everyone's benefit that you think of yourself as a person who is able and willing to make a positive difference. Your partner may likely be amazed and appreciative, as well as gain new respect for your leadership and organizational talents.

on a side note. i need to lay off the caffine and maybe even the chocolate. indeed.

something useless i stoll from kevin

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 21:53:28 GMT

*LOVE, SEX AND ROMANCE QUIZ*
Name:	amber
Birthdate:	10.15.82
Hair:	brown..ish
Eyes:	brown
Height:	5'0
Gender:	female
How many true relationships have you had?:	define.. true
Have you ever been in love?:	yes
What's your idea of a perfect date?:	something that doesnt involve the dinner and a movie
Where's your favorite place to be kissed?:	my neck
How many sexual partners have you had?:	enough
How many people have you kissed?:	::cough:: enough
Do you like to make the first move?:	not as such
Are you a snuggler?:	very much so
Do you kiss on the first date?:	it depends on the person i am on the date with
Where is the best place you've ever hooked up?:	eh?
Do you consider yourself to be romantic?:	hopeless
Are you an angel or a devil in the sack?:	kinda in between i suppose
Would you ever pay someone for sex?:	i plea the 5th
Would you ever let someone pay YOU for sex?:	only on tuesdays
Do you keep your eyes open when you kiss?:	not as such
What was your most embarrassing sexual moment?:	well this one time.. at band camp.. wait no that wasnt me.
Have your parents ever caught you in a compromising position?:	nope. im not sure she would care if she did either.
Have you ever performed a striptease?:	cant say that i have
How about a lapdance?:	nuh uh
Have you ever received a lapdance?:	nope
Do you like sexual contact?:	its a little late to ask that mr. survey
Are you straight, gay or bi?:	i dont believe in gay or straight
Have you ever made out with a member of the opposite sex?:	does it count if you are like 10?
Are you a giver or a taker?:	in what sense?
What do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?:	eyes, ears.. sometimes legs and arms.. you know.. maybe even human
Do you think you've met the person you'll spend the rest of your life with?:	not at the moment but who knows
Do you know who your bridesmaids and groomsmen would be?:	i know a few
Have you ever regretted a hook-up?:	who hasnt?
Have you ever cheated on a significant other?:	no
Have you ever hooked-up with someone already in a relationship?:	does kissing count?
Have you ever cried over a member of the opposite sex?:	again.. who hasnt?
Have you ever had your heart broken?:	and again..
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?:	nope
Would you date or marry someone if your parents didn't accept them?:	my mom wouldnt do that. she loves the people i love.
How about if your friends didn't accept them?:	it would depend on the reason and the friend.
What's the worst relationship you ever had?:	..meh
Have you ever done anything sexual while on the road?:	in a car.. yes... but it wasnt on a road.
Would you kiss someone if you didn't love them?:	more than likely
Who told you all about sex?:	my mom
Are you always horny?:	not always
Are you a flirt?:	sometimes
Are you a tease?:	not to my knowledge
Do you prefer to chase or BE chased?:	to be.. or not to be...
Do you prefer morning or evening hook-ups?:	im more of a night person i guess
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter with a member of the opposite sex, and woke up in each others arms?:	yes
How old were you at the age of your first kiss?:	my first "real" kiss.. i guess i was 17
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:	17 or 18
Do you sometimes wish you could change that?:	yes
Do you enjoy being in a relationship?:	sometimes
Are you currently in one?:	not as such
Has anyone ever fallen in love with you?:	or so they said
Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?:	no
Are you "noisy" when you get heated?:	o.o
What is your kissing pet peeve?:	too much tongue
Do you think you're a good kisser?:	i guess..
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 05:07:49 GMT

today i set out to find the beach. doesnt sound to hard does it? well ARHSAGHASGSZFSAFA FASFA is all i have to say. after driving for 3 hours in massive traffic i got to long beach. i was going to attempt to cut through and go to huntington beach or whatever it is but i got lost. i was probably a street away but i had to turn back and come back home because i didnt have enough gas to continue to look AND make it back to palm springs. next week i will be victorious. i will just go to encinitas and see di'zsa and bri. atleast this adventure got me used to california freeways. i set out at 12:30 and got home at 8:00. CRAZY! i also now know my car can drive long distances.. maybe even idaho? on the bright side on the way home i was rocking out to the sounds on michelles mix tape and a cute guy pulled up next to me. i was singing majorly out of tune and he was amused. we did the whole traffic stop and go flirt thing.. well .. mainly it was just me but let me feel special and think it was mutual. anyways.. off i got to rest. long weekend ahead of working and... working. catch ya later.
<3 amber

weirdness from amber

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 01:12:04 GMT

for the past few months i have been looking at the clock at 11:11, almost every day. for a while it was freaking me out. i kept thinking it was something i should look into or watch out for. this has been happening since before my birthday so i thought it might be a warning of some sort (since i turned 22, 1 + 1 : 1 + 1 = 22). it completly slipped my mind that 11 is actually a really positive number. 11 = Intuition, idealism, invention, insensitivity, fanaticism. 11 ranks high in vibration charts and helps balance things out. maybe it was just a way for my spirit guides to tell me they were around. kind of a "whats up" or a "hey we are here dont lose hope". i realize now i was only seeing 11:11 when i was stressing out or down. or maybe... im just weird. in any sense im glad i realized that it was a positive thing and not some secret omen of the end of the world or something. although i think that is near its a whole different story all together.

on a side note: i love my car. i havent been home much the past few days. just driving to places the bus wasnt able to go or places i have been curious to see. i live in a painting. its beautiful here.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 05:31:01 GMT

just a quick update because my landlord is sick and i am using his computer but this is a worth typing entry. i.. amber.. after 22 years of my life FINALLY got a car. friday morning i set out on a mission. the mission, get a ride to riverside to look at this car i really liked. i begged gary and after a few hours of begging he finally agreed to take me, which was way nice because its was a crappy rainy day and not exactly a short drive. all ended well though. i got my car!!

:: pets her car :: its a 1991 vw cabrio and its allllll mine.. and well olivers but he isnt to keen with that idea just yet

friday was also a day of many firsts.

1.) amber driving in california.

2.) amber driving on a freeway (technically multiple freeways).

3.) amber driving in the rain.

4.) amber driving at night.

add those all together it spells disaster :P. california drivers are insane! but I GOT A CAR!!! and i am alive.. and didnt wreck my car or piss off people by driving slow.. so all is well. i need to jet though because like i said my landlord isnt feeling well and this is his computer. i will update more later.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 04:25:42 GMT

such a beautiful creature he is..

and such a pathetic creature i am.. but all is well.

after a million years

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 03:56:13 GMT

so, i am starting to see a trend starting. i say i am going to update more often then months pass before the next entry. i should just stop saying things like that and accept the fact that i am lazy. well not really lazy but unmotivated to update my livejournal. i guess it doesnt help i no longer have the internet. so i guess an update is needed. i can think of a dozen things that have happend since my last entry but none are really worth talking about. just day to day things. i went home for christmas which was nice. i finally got my drivers license. im working 2 jobs at the moment. i still work with the care taking job on weekends and then durring the week i work at a cd store. i am getting a car FINALLY here in a few weeks. then i am thinking of moving somewhere out of the valley, i just havent decided where. i am still in the same apartment i have been in since may. my cat is still a pest who likes to eat blankets and random other things but i love him. i am still lacking in the friend department here. i tend to fill what little free time i have with either sleep or solitude but its ok. this has all given me a chance to find myself. when i get my car i will get out a lot more, thats a promise to myself. with a car i can go to LA and go to the ocean and random midnight drives to nowhere. i am excited. i am update from my landlords apartment. i am going to try to do it more often but no promises as always. it feels good to write again. even though i have a paper journal that i write in quite a bit i still kinda miss my good ol' livejournal. tomorrow is my only day off. i think i have to do taxes.. fun fun. damn being an adult! ::shakes fist::. im sure there are a handful of other things i could add here but we will leave it at was is here now. oh yes something else note worthy, i am going to coachella music fest (www.coachella.com) this year. i wanted to so badly last year but didnt get to because of work and well lack of a ticket :P. this year i am going. levi is more than likely coming down to go as well. good times. ok enough from me for now.

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 18:00:16 GMT

months pass with no update in a time when updates are most needed. so many things have changed in the past few months. i went through an emotional rollarcoaster. but i guess thats how life goes. i am still painfully single. at times i like it then at other times i want to throw things. heavy things. things that will break into a million peices. then that too passes and im back on the ground. i left my theater about a month ago. it was too much un-needed drama. i am a care taker for this 92 year old man. it pays well and hopefully it lasts long enough for me to do some of the things i need to do with the money. such as get a car. i only work from sunday morning to monday morning but thats a 45 hour shift so it evens out. november 1 - 5 i am going to boise, id to see my friend levi. i also get to see erika while im there so i am pretty excited. my birthday just passed on the 15th. it fell on a friday so i didnt do a whole lot seeing i had to work the next day. the thursday before i hung out with my friend michael and we watched 'the day after tomorrow' and he gave me my present. he painted me a picture. i tend to like things made more than things bought. its like giving a peice of yourself. friday i had lunch with gary and vegged out around my house. then i worked saturday to monday. overall it was ok. i cant really thing of other thing to update on. i summed up months of change into a short paragraph. i guess if i dont remember the things that happend they werent important enough to write about. i am going home for christmas. december 20 - 30. i miss my friends and family a lot so i am beyond the point of excitement. today and tomorrow i will probably just be lazy around my apartment. clean a little and go to the store maybe but other than that... im just going to enjoy being at home. just me and oliver. the weather is amazing so i may go for a walk. why i am writting about all of this i am unsure. i guess i can write about whatever i want. it is MY journal. even if it takes me months in between to update.